उन्हें सोता देख तो फिर भी रह पा रहे थे हम

वो सुबह सुबह की मदमस्त आवाज़ उनकी,
जैसे गिर रही हों बूँदें बारिश की...
वो चेहरे पे आते उलझे हुए गेसुओं की घटा,
बादलों ने हो जैसे सूरज से न निकलने की सिफारिश की...
उन्हें सोता देख तो फिर भी रह पा रहे थे हम,
अब कैसे हो काबू कोइ हमें ये बताये...
जब बिस्तर से उतर के अंगड़ाई लें वो इस तरह,
जैसे खुदा ने फुर्सत से हो ये साज़िश की...

happy new year to you...

so this cold winter, another day went by
they were happy, there were partying, I wondered why
and then I realized it was farewell 2009
there was dance, there was food and there was wine...

just outside, there were some kids, their lives so dire
they were trying to stay alive, sleeping by the fire
and in a week what those poor fellows had tasted
in one night, these party people had wasted...

anyways, I wished friends the best, and went to sleep
and in a dream I saw a woman who made me creep
some "mother" she called herself, she was crying
coz of the crime, corruption and all the lying...

I woke up soon, tried to shrug it away
had no time, had to focus on events of the day
started with the newspaper, same old things I saw
no respect for people, no respect for the law...

the front page was taken by the scandal of an old man
and a few idiots, I saw in a rough scan
there were deaths by cold and accidents due to fog
but also covered was a tycoon's morning jog...

I finished my breakfast, set out for the class
you see, attendance is also needed to pass
and then the "learned" prof taught us, verbatim from the book
and there was a surprise quiz, which we passed by crook...

slept through others, nah thats not sloppy
you see, if you dont make notes, you can always copy
came to the end of the day, bored and forlorn
but rounded it off by watching some pirated porn...

finally, as I lay on the bed, I remembered the "mother"
but then I had not listened to her, maybe she'd find some other
and not disturb my sleep, coz sleep is all we do
but we are always first in wishing "happy new year to you"...

that's how it is supposed to end...

(Disclaimer: no reference to anyone living, or dead)

saw you yesterday by the river
all the memories came flashing back
just realized how empty I am
what all I miss, what all I lack...

how I spent those days, lost and insecure
how I spent those nights, lying on the floor
you wanted to call, it was too late
what kept you from it, why did you wait...

I wanna forget you, I wanna be strong
wanna honor those with whom I belong
but suddenly I find you standing near
looking into your eyes, the pain I can't bear...

I look away but you call my name
in a way that wasn't the same
your voice was cold, I felt aloof
and the ring on your finger was the proof...

standing with you was your "the one"
I looked to the heavens, "this is not done"
all the weeks of strength fleeted in a second
months of distress in store, I reckoned...

but you seemed happy, and I thought
if this is all that I ever got
that the girl I cared for most has a good life
and so what if she is someone else's wife...

isn't this what love is supposed to be
its gotta be about "her", not "me"
and that gave me peace, that made me smile
the pain was gone, that I had all this while...

so I looked to the heavens, once again
this time without anger, without disdain
and I wished for you to be my friend
sometimes that's how it is supposed to end...

Testimonials

Its goodbye time for most of us here at IITK (dualites like me are gonna be here another year). Hence its time for testimonials, and reliving the memories. Here are the testimonials written by my pals for me, for the Batch Yearbook:

Ankit Rustagi:
Nicknames: Surdy/ Sardar/ Pappe/ Sadkar. Properties: Tall, well-built, fair-skinned, bearded, intelligent, smart, witty, moody. Though he might like to differ, he is one guy I can totally explain the actions and character of. He writes awesome poetry making girls go weak in their knees/ hearts (I say some day he is going to bed a girl with this poetry of his), is a diehard Manchester United fan (talks about shedding blood, glory ManU and all), and shares the passion of cricket, movies, current affairs and music with me.
Notwithstanding the amount of alcohol he has consumed so far in his life, he would be most Un-Sardar-ly Sardar around, devoid of all the Sardar-ly enthu and zeal. He would stay in his room for most of the time during gymkhana festivals watching movies, porn, browsing internet, downloading movies/serials and shit. He would change his future goals on a monthly basis, one day he is almost set to get a PPO in a FMCG major, next day he is taking GRE, the very next day he is not and instead, cycling to Neeraj Prasad’s CAT classes. But strangely enough, he excels in pursuit of every goal that he has set for himself. Got a first class intern at ITC, switched to dual degree to get the feel of research, studied for GRE and GATE only to ditch ‘em at the last moment, topped Career Launcher’s Schol Test to start preparing for CAT, and bloody notched up a dussa after having a heartbreak during his endsems.
We have shared our love lives with each other, drawing inspirations from each others’ and lending each other shoulder to cry when everything seemed to shatter. He is the guy I think of calling on that “fateful day in Meerut” :P. We have drank a lot together, watched a lot of shitty as well as some great movies in Rave 3 together with Rakesh, had fucking great night outs discussing life, movies, cricket, girls and what not. These have been some of the best moments of my life. I don’t know, neither does he, what he is going to do in his life, but I am sure jahaan bhi jayega, phaad dega..!!


Rakesh Ranjan:
Describing Aman isn't a tough task... in fact, one word is suitable enough for him..."No-Nonsense Guy". He never does any non-sense, of which you can't make any sense (except once... when he loved someone madly... you still can make sense of it.). Extremely expert in two areas- Academics and Girls. Now, you are thinking..."no-nonsense guy with interest in acads" and "girl(s)".... can these two go together? Well... Aman is the answer to your question. This guy has uncanny ability of "impressing" girls. He never put it in his resume... but lemme tell you, he got his first love-letter in 4th std.( though he rejected, he has kept the letter :P ). As he keeps chatting with gals a lot, i am sure, some more stories are about to unfold.[;)]. Anyway, he never lets his academic graph go down. He has always maintained his "nine point someone" status despite of gaming, watching movies and chatting for hours. He may be releasing some book on "efficient wastage of time" in coming years [:)].Telling about Aman, and not mentioning Manchester United would be a crime. This guy is just superb in soccer trivia and sometimes surprises you with the details. Punctuality, determination to do better and the positive energy can be felt easily in his lifestyle.
The way this guy achieves the pinnacle in what he tries, keeps everybody guessing which mountain he gonna climb. Well... one thing I know for sure, someday he gonna conquer the Everest. Keep going buddy.


Aviral Chopra:
Pappe: He’s a Stud, a real stud!
Smooth with chics, writes kick-ass poetry, hits the gym regularly and spends a hell lot of time on his comp. And did I mention that he’s awesome at acads.He doesn’t do extra curics, but that’s just coz he doesn’t need it. With his presence of mind, sharp mind n rocking personality, he is a true leader. Using his quick wit, logon ki pyaar se utaar leta hai. Rocks everything he does, and does so in style.
Hope to see u at MIT or Harvard, whichever u decide brother!!
Kudos man! No one can stop u, u’re gonne attain great heights!
Cheers!!


Amit Bhawsinghka:
Pappe: First time I tried talking to him, in the orientation program, he didn’t seem tht open to talk. Bt as he opened up, I got to learn a lot abt this guy. He is intelligent, gud in sports and highly dedicated to whtever he does. I rmbr in our TA101 lab, we used to jst copy each other’s drawings (me copying him more) and also gaze at girls :D (if u ask him he will tell u wht I m talking abt) . Abhi bhi….if he n me r together n v c some bird, d first sentence tht he wud say wud be ki “usko teri bhabhi banaunga” :D .
Sports mein to he is exceptional…be it fatta or footy. Volleyball he has learnt a bit late bt even thn he has become quite gud at it. One thing I will always rmbr is our balling duo…and our intense competition on the field. We have rarely been teamed opposite to each other so don’t hav much experience facing this guy. In the girl’s dept this guy is also very gud. He has told me stories of his friends and hw they all want a piece of pappe :D . wish u find my true “bhabhi” soon mate.
Best of luck fr ur life dude n hope to c u as successful as u can be. It ws real fun being in same wing wid u and will njoy it in the next yr as well.
Cheers.


Arvind Modi:
This is my second testi to Amandeep aka Sardar and truly he is a good leader.Extremely concentrated and sincere.He is got a big brain and a big body which he sometimes 'misuses' to attack me but i enjoy all of it.I have been his lab partner and its really difficult to match his standards (rather i say, i keep a low standard).He is an integral part of my IITK life and a friend for rest of the life.
Always keep in touch buddy :)

thats when i realised...

Lying in my bed
looking out of the window
I saw the birds chirping
I saw them being happy
and I turned to hold you
but you werent there,
thats when I realized
that you had gone.

Walking through the park
looking at the children play
I saw the lovers kissing
I saw them being together
and I turned to smile at you
but you werent there,
thats when I realised
what was going on.

Sitting at my desk
looking at the clock
I saw others talking on the phones
I saw them checking on each other
and I turned to take your call
but it wasnt there,
thats when I realised
something was terribly wrong.


Having my dinner
looking at the others
I saw the couples talking
I saw them sharing the meal
and I turned to eat from your hand
but you werent there,
thats when I realised
it had been so long.

Lying in my bed
looking at the ceiling
I saw nothing
I saw just nothing
and I turned to look at your face
but you werent there,
thats when I realised
it was already dawn.

What is poetry?

Dedicated to Anjali, my most loyal reader, and the reason this work took shape.
(Genesis: on gtalk, the morning of 19th Feb, 2009
"Anjali - how do ppl write poetry...its amazing")

Its a song, which my heart sings
as i see the sparkle in the eyes of my love.
Its my way of saying thanks
my eulogy for the One above.

Its also a manifestation of the pain
when i see all thats bad around.
Its whatever is in my heart
sometimes bedlam, sometimes a peaceful sound.

Thats the way it will have to be...

Its like a thousand suns shine when you smile,
like so many rivers meander when you walk.
Its the way a million birds chirp when you sing,
like a million flowers bloom when you talk.

Its the way life is when you are with me,
safe and happy and special and serene.
Its the way I feel when you are with me,
more blessed than I've ever been.

What goes on in my heart is so much more,
these are just some thoughts that passed by.
The depth of what I feel for you,
the lines I wrote don't justify.

I only pray He gives me the strength,
to tell you how much you mean to me.
But if I don't, I'll live this life,
and think thats the way it will have to be...